Relationships can be excellent or challenging, safe or strained. They will never be perfect, but we can find ourselves linked to someone who brings more stress than blessing. We must evaluate our options when a relationship crosses unhealthy emotional or physical territory.
Is It Biblical for Christians To Set Boundaries?
Setting healthy boundaries for Christians can feel wrong, prideful, and disobedient. We have often been taught to turn the other cheek and take all that comes our way with a smile and a nod. Scripture like Matthew 5:39, where we read, “But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also,” have been used to cause us to sit still when someone presses in to take advantage or is repeatedly abusive emotionally or physically. We rarely take the time to research the circumstances, culture, or original language definitions, so we assume that we are not a “good” Christian if we set boundaries or move from an unhealthy situation.
I appreciate Matthew Henry’s explanation of this verse and the one before it, “we may avoid evil, and may resist it, so far as is necessary to our own security; but we must not render evil for evil, must not bear a grudge, nor avenge ourselves, nor study to be even with those that have treated us unkindly, but we must go beyond them by forgiving them.” For self-preservation and to preserve our Christian faith as a community, we must move away from evil while doing it in the spirit of love. As always, we must ask ourselves, “What is my motive for setting these boundaries?”
Did Jesus Set Boundaries?
We see the crowds pressing to get close to Jesus throughout the New Testament. From highly-ranking religious leaders to outcasts, people wanted to be near Him and in His inner circle. They wanted to know His most profound thoughts and experience His healing. However, Jesus only let a select few have the deepest and most intimate relationships with Him when He walked the earth. He set healthy boundaries with those who followed Him out of curiosity or selfish ambition. He shared the Truth with all who wanted to listen, but He only allowed His closest friends to get in the boat or camp in His circle and an even more intimate few to travel up the Mount of Transfiguration. Jesus set healthy boundaries, and so should we.
What Benefits Come From Healthy Boundaries?
We often think of healthy boundaries as being strictly for our own personal reasons; something that we need. We can cause ourselves to feel guilty for wanting relational guidelines. The truth is that we can also set healthy boundaries to protect the abuser. Jesus never encourages us to enable someone’s poor behavior. We are to speak The Truth (His Truth) in love rather than allow another’s selfish behaviors to continue to harm themselves and others. If we love someone struggling with destructive behaviors, we will want the best for them, including creating a border when necessary that causes them to evaluate its purpose. After prayerfully spending time with Jesus, we can have peace of mind by firmly but lovingly placing a line in the sand.
We Can Count On Truth
Jesus and the fullness of His Word is always our example. With a refreshed mind renewed in The Word, we receive guidance from the Holy Spirit as to our motives and how to best live the abundant life Christ intends for us while encouraging others to do the same.
Enjoy Jesus today.
